I really didn’t have time for a freaky miracle."
--Amon, Wacky Wednesday
Jayk: Hello, Jayk Parker here!
Amon: And Amon Monterey.
J: We’ve been invited onto this blog to talk about my new book—
A: Our new book.
J: That’s what I said. Our new book, Wacky Wednesday. It’s about this one craaaaazy day when Amon and I woke up in each other’s bodies and had to live each other’s lives for twenty-four hours. It was--
J: Awesome A: Terrifying.
J: Awesomely terrifying. Basically, how it started was, we were having some misunderstandings.
A: It was one of those rough patches every couple goes through.
J: Amon was freaking out about hiring someone new at work, so he was totally ignoring me all the time.
A: I was not totally ignoring you.
J: Totally. I’d ask him a question, and he’d stare right through me and kind of tilt his head like maybe he’d heard something but decided it was just the wind, and then he’d go make a spreadsheet—
A: It was nothing like that.
J: He locked me in a cupboard under the stairs, Harry Potter style. I was cold, I was hungry. I kept crying for help, and Amon wouldn’t let me out…
A: If I could be so lucky to have a stair cupboard to shut you in.
J: OMG. Mean!
A: For the record, this is all considerably exaggerated. I was under some stress at work, yes.
J: And I was starting my second semester at school. Well, third. I went for a semester when I was eighteen, but I dropped out. Now I’m back for round two. It suuuuuuuuucks.
A: You like school.
J: I like SOME THINGS about school.
A: Maybe I should preface all this by explaining that Jayk and I have a domestic discipline partnership.
J: He rules over our household with a mighty cane.
A: I do not cane you. Good lord, you’re going to give people the wrong idea.
J: Mighty paddle?
A: Better. But it’s mostly my mighty hand. And that is a very small part of the relationship.
J: The other part is where you whip me for fun.
A: The other part is where we incorporate BDSM elements into our mutually fulfilling and supportive partnership because the lifestyle satisfies a deep need in both of us.
J: What he said.
A: So we were going through a rough patch.
J: I was being a total brat.
A: Your methods of getting my attention were inventive.
J: And he was being a total prig.
A: I was attempting to provide the boundaries I thought you needed.
J: And then suddenly…pyew fwew pchiiiiiiiiing…
A: What is that?
J: That’s the sound of magic.
A: We still don’t know how it happened.
J: But we woke up and our bodies were switched. Suddenly I was this supertall, superbuilt forty-year-old—
A: You were not forty yet.
J: Thirty-nine point nine nine nine nine-year-old awesomely powerful financial executive.
A: And I was an extremely sexy—
J: I’m blushing.
A: College student.
J: College dropout.
A: College student. Who I happen to know just got the only A in his class on that lit final.
J: A first if ever there was one.
A: The first of many.
J: You're embarrassing me. So are we going to tell them what happened?
A: We shouldn’t give away too much. We want them to read the book.
J: True. But they should know there’s mayhem.
A: There’s me trying to ride a bike.
J: There’s Bernard Witmeyer.
A: Body Double.
J: Crab rangoon.
J: A dungeon party.
J: It was…
J: Exactly. It was one wacky hump day.
A: I’m impressed you managed to go that whole day without making a single hump day joke.
J: My self control is phenomenal. There was a lot of humping, though.
A: Take that look of your face.
J: What look?
A: That leer.
J: I’m not leering. I’m just, uh, ready for bed. Aren’t you? You look ready for bed.
A: I think you’re trying to manipulate me. And you know what I do to manipulative brats?
J: I hope it involves handcuffs and chocolate covered strawberries.
A: Not exactly.
J: Well, I’m going to tell all these fine people that if they read our book, I hope they enjoy it.
A: I second that.
J: Then I’m going to go upstairs and sprawl on the bed naked and just relax. Naked.
A: I’m going to run the dishwasher.
J: Amon. Can’t it wait?
A: Until what?
J: Until we’ve put the hump back in hump day?
A: If you don’t mind eating off the floor tomorrow when there aren’t enough clean plates.
J: Ooh. Hot.
A: Is this something we need to explore?
A: Up to bed, soldier. March.
J: Sir, yes, sir. Goodnight everyone. Thanks for reading our post.
A: I’ll be up in a minute. Go on.
J: Listen, swat me and I swear I’ll—
A: Secretly enjoy it?
A: All right, I'm signing off. But thank you all for reading. Jayk and I hope you enjoy Wacky Wednesday, the incredible, true tale of our body swap.
J: Seriously, total chaos. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
A: You're still here.
J: I'm gonna help you with the dishes.
A: Isn't he the sweetest? I'd never lock him in a cupboard under the stairs.
J: I know you wouldn't. I'd never bury your toothbrush in the cat's litterbox. [pause] Again.
A: Thank God.
A: Goodnight. J: Goodnight!
Wacky Wednesday available May 22 from Loose Id.