Saturday, December 22, 2012

What Things Are Called

I browsed a how-to book on romance writing when I was sixteen, and it provided a list of euphemisms writers could use for the characters’ naughty bits. Stuff like “his manhood” and “her most sensitive area.” I found it kind of off-putting. I don’t want to have a “secret garden” or a “delicate bud.” I would never presume to tell anyone what words to enjoy in their dirty scenes. Everyone’s different, and what’s a total buzzword for one person might sound silly to another. All I can do is speak for myself about what terms sound hot to me, and which ones I don’t care for.
The Chesty Area

I unapologetically love the word “tits” for guys. Even more so than I like it for women. “Nipple” is still a funny word to me, and I don’t find it terribly sexy. It’s sort of like the word penis—yeah, that’s what the body part is called, but it doesn’t sound real hot or dirty. It just kinda makes me giggle. And for a scene like the one in By His Rules where Scott says he’s gonna fuck Aiden’s tits when the chain’s stretched between the nip clamps—doesn’t work as well to have “gonna fuck your pecs” or “gonna fuck your nipples.”

Not that I don't use nipple plenty.

But I’m just gonna say it: I like tits.

Lady Bits

There’s definitely still a—perhaps misguided—feministy barrier between me and dirty words for women’s, you know…down there. While I don’t think vagina is a hot word, pussy and cunt bother me a bit. Mostly because of their lengthy tenure as derogatory terms (the internet informs me cunt wasn’t always derogatory, but I think our culture has done a thorough job of making it offensive). I’m all for reclaiming the words and not, um, pussyfooting around them. But cunt will always be the c-word to me. Still, I use cunt and pussy in my f/f stuff, because no way am I calling it “her womanhood.” Or her fun tunnel.

Okay, I might call it her fun tunnel.

Clit is awesome. I’m all about clit.

Boy Parts

Cock or dick. Penis doesn’t do much for me. Organ creeps me out. I like the occasional shaft. Manhood—nope. Rod…nah.

Stuff That Comes Out of the Boy Parts

I’m still on the fence about spunk. Sometimes it’s a really fun word, but I think I just prefer cum all around. Semen sounds a little too assessing-the-evidence-on-Law & Order: SVU. “His essence” is in the same stable as “her womanhood.” Jizz and spluge only if the character’s trying to be funny. I don’t think the word jizz ever had any dignity, but if it did, the Lonely Island took care of that.

The Backside

Ass, FTW. However, in a spank-heavy story, especially one about disciplinary spanking, I can get behind *tee hee* words like butt, bottom, rump, and backside. And arse? God, I wish I was British. I love arse. Call it anything but the hiney.

The Back Door

Hole, asshole, opening, entrance...I’m actually fine with just about anything for this one. I think anus sounds a bit technical, but sometimes it works really nicely. Channel can be hot, too.

The Big O

Coming, climaxing, orgasming, it’s all good. I get a little apprehensive when people start "exploding with pleasure" and stuff like that, but I can deal. I like shooting, for guys.

That’s my story. Feel free to agree, disagree, and nominate your own favorite/least favorite dirty words.

Happy Holidays!


  1. Awesome post! Yeah, I'm not a fan of euphemisms. The secret garden one disturbs me the most: I'm afraid a bunch of British kids are sneaking in there when I'm not paying attention. Also, it's not the path to my inner goddess. Please. Ugh.

    Arse is the best word ever. It's got more grunt than the American "ass".

  2. LOL! You have to watch those British kids every second.

    My inner goddess wants to give anyone who calls her an inner goddess a kick in the arse.